State of the Union [Transcript]

Dear felines, people of the earth (humans we love), other animal type creatures and also aliens who might be listening.

I rise before you today to share the State of the Union address, as seen through the eyes of Commander Timbit Canada (Feline) of the Bitty Space Program, TinyKittens Alumni aka Captain Naughtypants.

Now I know some of you are probably saying “Why should I listen to this guy?  I didn’t vote for this nitwit!”  Be that as it may, by intent or accident, I am the guy responsible for upholding the dreams, the challenges and the future of feline nation, so I ask for a few minutes of your time, while I account for the work that has been done over the past year and consider the year ahead.

First and foremost, we have had a very successful year as felines.  Our communications systems continue to build, as we have been inspired by the great classic cinematic feature “101 Dalmations” and the Twilight Bark.  For those who are unaware, the Twilight Bark refers to the often-noted behavior in domestic dogs (Canis lupus familiaris) of exchanging barks or howls across long distances, typically in the quiet hours of early evening. As felines, we have pondered this phenomenon that our less intelligent brethren have perfected, and have come up with a top secret, but equally effective, means of communicating house to house, community to community and nation to nation.  We call it the ‘DAILY SCREE’.  Our humans may recognize it.  You THINK we are just asking for food or attention, but really we are communicating with one another through windows, doors, walls, chimneys and other important communication channels. This has been one of the most empowering and important visions we have realized this year, and while we can’t share all the details of this work (top secret you know), we are encouraged to say that felines all around the world are now connected to the greater good, and we will continue to work together to bring peace and prosperity to the world.

Our space program has continued to evolve, and while we have had a brief hiatus (whereupon the person you call fuzzy human but we call mama, took a really stupidly long break), we have a host of new crew to onboard in the next few weeks, and plans for a very important space research adventure later this year.  Our crew will be hearing more about it in the days and weeks to come.  Let it be known, however, that we are way ahead of the game when it comes to felines in space, and we have no intention of letting anyone outpace us in the race to the moon and beyond.

Although not all of the world’s felines have been privileged enough to attend the main campus of Tiny Kittens University, which is under the direction of Shelly Roche, we have been proud to see an enormous growth in the number of ‘distance study’ felines watching and emulating the great professor Grampa Mason over the past year.  We will continue to ensure new content in courses as we anticipate an invigorating group of freshman will be enrolled over the next few months. At the same time, we will continue to help raise alumni dollars towards the successful building of a new campus.  Our entire feline nation stands behind the work of TK University and the generous sponsors and supporters who have made our alma mater the best feline university in the world (#1 on the MacLeans Feline University Rankings!)

As this is my state of the union address, I would be remiss if I didn’t comment on some of the things that are worrying us about the human world.  Sometimes during our Daily Scree, we hear from felines who are living in very difficult situations.  Sometimes they are struggling to have basic human rights like a place to sleep, a warm bed, food in their bellies, and safety from baddies.  Sometimes their humans have had to leave them behind because of wars or big storms caused by global warming.  Sometimes they don’t understand why their humans are ‘labelled’ in such a way that they aren’t allowed to love each other and be a family because of the body parts they have.  Sometimes they worry that their daddy or mommy won’t be able to come home because they have a dark brown face like Momo and that means some people think they can do mean things to them and call them names or even shoot at them.  Sometimes they are scared wondering what will happen to them if they have to be separated from their family because of immigration laws.  These are all things that we talk about during our Daily Scree, and we worry about it sometimes, because we have strong belief that maybe, just maybe, humans have forgotten some important truths.

You see, us feline guys, we don’t understand gender, or skin colour or bank account values.  We understand love, and comfort and warmth and friendship and snuggles.  We understand that you don’t need riches or fancy houses or cars – you just need good friends, good humans, a family, people who love you and a place you can call home.  Everything else is just stuff, and it’s not important.  We believe that it’s the small things that are most important – food in your bowl, clean litter, a comfy cushion, a ray of sunlight.  And humans well… you have let yourself get too messed up worrying about cars, and big houses and new electronic things and the work and the government and the politics – and just… having more and being better than everybody else.

A long time ago, a very great man by the name of Jack Layton, who was a political leader here in Canada, left a very heartfelt letter to Canadians as he was dying.  In it he wrote, “My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.”

On Sunday night I was catching snowflakes in the front window.  They kept coming and coming, and I didn’t catch even one.  But I kept trying.  And as my aunt said “the most amazing thing is Timmy’s belief  that it could actually happen”.

That is because we kitties see the world as a place of limitless potential and it makes us sad that you humans have gotten so caught up in ‘stuff’ and ‘society’ that you’ve forgotten the joy in just being happy to be happy.  You seem to have forgotten that this world is a magical, mysterious, thrilling place, and that there is so much to see and do and learn.  And none of what you own is going to stack up to what you have tried or seen or laughed about or loved.  People say we kitties live in the moment and we think that’s probably about the smartest thing you can do.  You humans need to try it a bit more often.

Because here’s the truth…

The State of the Union for kitties, is really super good.  We have fun.  We enjoy naps.  We like to play.  We love our people.  We eat cookies.

But the state of the union for humans?  Well, you might want to watch how we jive, because you aren’t looking so good right now.

[mic drop]